How many of you go into the store, buy your groceries, and on the way out the door, spot the dreaded ‘Humour Cards’? You know the ones, often between ‘Belated Birthday Cards’ and ‘You’re Getting Old But That’s Okay Cards’. I always make a point to read at least ONE. Who doesn’t love a good laugh? Homonymns are an easy way-out for a comedian, using them as the punchline.

Recently, I began to wonder, why are they called, ‘PUNCH lines’? Is it because oftener than not, the joker will get ‘punched’ rudely by the jokee, because it was a personal jab? Or did the jokers first joke end with him spilling punch all over himself. This really does make one think.

Either way, I have here a few funny jokes that you could easily find by googling. Have a good time!

Blonde paint job

_A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”_

A Really Bad Day

_There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”_