Well, I did it again. I was lost, but here I am found. I do have to say that much has been going on in the past 4 months. I was carrying 18 credits, still working, still raising a family, still fighting my health problems…. I could go on. But that’s the gist of it. Instead of writing here, I found myself dealing with things in a solitary kind of way. But I have survived. Even thrived in some aspects. I’m 2 months or so without a migraine. And while the allergy season has been an awful one, and affecting me daily, it has not been my worst, by far.
We are now planning to move – again. Something I dread, yet anticipate. I just wish everyone was on board. I think it’s time to figure that all out, and we’ve started working on it, but is very difficult.
It’s hard to believe that at this point in my life I am heading towards university – something I’ve wanted to do for decades. But at the same time I keep questioning everything. While I know I am moving forward, and that is so important, I worry about what I am missing along the way.
So, enough of the vague-ranting-post. I have a month off to contemplate things, before I start summer classes. I’m taking it VERY easy – only 2, online, and one I’m looking very much forward to taking: Creative Writing. After a less than stellar experience in English 101 in the Fall I had an amazing experience this Spring in English 102, and the teacher from 102 will be teaching my summer Creative Writing course. The other course is just getting another university studies requirement out of way – Civilizations, but I hope it’s at the very least interesting.
One of my biggest accomplishments this past semester has to be surviving, dare I even say succeeding at, Drawing. I’ve never drawn. I’ve doodled, I’ve goofed around, but I have never seriously put pencil or pen to paper in an effort to REALLY draw something. I had never used charcoal to draw with – ever. The class started out as a heavy weight on my shoulders, but ended up being something very rewarding. I am amazed, but I have learned to draw. In fact, the last assignment, the most difficult EVER, to me, actually went better than I expected. It was ever so hard to setup, begin, and practice, but once I got going, it all just came into place.
Now I’m not dropping my camera for charcoal and a sketch pad – no way – and I don’t consider myself great or accomplished at drawing – but I succeeded for me, at drawing these enormous-to-me (22×30inch) assignments that came out mostly resembling the subject I intended to produce. The one I struggled with the most, in my head, was of my head – it was a self-portrait. I could never imagine a more difficult subject, but I have to say, it did come out portraying me.
I drew not just my face, but a phase or part of my life – my struggle with sleep. And it came extremely close to portraying what I sought to share of me, on paper, with dusty, ol’ charcoal.
Conquering this mountain has made me grow in so many ways.
I have discovered, through this and some other experiences, that I am not, in fact, a Fine Arts Major. I was so uncomfortable in that role. But I am creative, and I plan to continue pursuing that path.