I know she is having the experience of her life.
I know this is her dream and what she wants to do.
I have worked really hard the past 4 months to be strong, supportive, positive and encouraging.
But today is her birthday – and I finally lost it.
I have shed tears, but this was really painful. I’ve never been apart from her on her birthday her entire life. Once I made it back from a trip to get my Grammie on the day OF her birthday, but we were together. I have scheduled an online video-chat-birthday part for this evening. Granted, her birthday is over now, where she is, in Japan, but I scheduled the party for right near the exact time she was born (about 8:30 p.m.), in the time zone she was born (Pacific, so it’ll be 10:30 p.m. here in CDT and 1:30 p.m. her time – the next day. But we will sing her ‘Happy Birthday’ and light sparklers and/or candles. And eat cake (or homemade lemon cream pie – she did say I did all the work on her birthday and she’s not here anyway, right?). But it still hurts – bad.

So, I’ll try and distract myself. I may as well, since I’m suffering from a really bad case of insomnia anyhow. I knit a few rows here and there on the sweater I started several years ago, and hope to finish before she returns this summer. I started his yearly hat. I work now and then on the Christmas present I started for her twin sister (well, the one that is most like her, though she was born a mere 7 1/2 years apart). I sort of finished, but have to re-finish a spiral baby blanket for the baby in my life (because I ran out of yarn with like 8 inches left on the bind of, yeah, sucks right?). And I even pulled out a hat that I started for myself over 5 years ago.

And there is the whole packing/moving/cleaning/looking-for-a-place-to-move-to-in-a-week-and-a-half thing going on around here. And the Chinese I need to study so that I am caught up from last semester and prepared for the next. Oh, and the 3 English papers that I need to write to finish the incomplete that I had to take.

I think I need a nap…