I am a mess. I held it somewhat together through the holidays. But now I am falling apart. I feel so alone at a time when I should feel surrounded. I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for – so I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, because I am not.

It just hurts. So. Bad.

I need someone to talk to that will be straight with me. Someone that will give me advice for me and not them. Someone who will lift me up when I need it and yet still that will kick me in the arse when I need it.

I used to have someone like that – but I can’t find them. 

For now I will just keep hiding under the covers with a numb bum.