what i get for thinking

So I was just thinking last night as I watched an update on the situation in Iraq, how weird it was that I didn’t know anyone over in the war this time.
That’s what I get for thinking.
Last time my love was there.
Last time I was pregnant and delivered our baby while he was there.
Last time I lived and breathed the news.
Last time my 2yo and I held each other together; loved eachother and cried together.
Last time I was so thankful, and listened to 3 songs:
“Blaze of Glory” by Bon Jovi
“Voices that Care” by various artists
but mostly
“Right Here Waiting” by Richard Marx.
They all made me cry.
I was proud.
I was scared.
I was a mess.
I guess I was strong.
This time is so different.
I’m still proud.
I’m still scared, thought not as personally.
I feel somewhat detached and it is so weird.
Bu that’s what I get for thinking….
My dad IM’s me last night that my cousin, who just graduated from High School last year, who just joined the Army last year, who was just stationed in Germany last week, arrived at his post to be informed that they will be shipping over to Iraq in 3 weeks.
Now I feel different.
Now I feel more involved.
He’s such a sweet kid. Such a good kid.
But then that makes it more scary, as dad brought up.
He’s a ‘mortar tube firer’ according to Dad.
He wants to be a sniper.
I’m not sure which is worse, which is better.
I’m thinking neither.
I’m thinking they both have their purpose, as does my cousin, as does this whole scenario.
I’m still so thankful.
And I still try so hard not to take things for granted.
I’m thinking I’ll be keeping more updated though.
I’m thinking I’ll be writing some letters, sending a care package, hanging a yellow ribbon or two.
I’m knowing I’ll keep praying.

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